Do you yell in front of your kids?

The hubs and I had a bit of a disagreement last night.   It was more than a petty argument. Although it probably started off that way, it ended with exposing some feelings of mine that left me feeling raw and exhausted.

It started at the end of dinner time, which meant it unfolded in front of the kids. We argued well; there was no swearing or belittling. No name calling or nastiness. But there was some yelling (me) and some crying (also me).

I don’t remember my parents doing much arguing. I remember the fall-out; the looks and the silence, but not the exchange of words.   Maybe they did and I’ve blocked it out, but whatever the case, I don’t recall much shouting.

It has only been recently that I’ve gotten better at vocalising my feelings rather than bottling them up. I’m still learning, which explains the yelling; it’s sometimes such a struggle to get things out that it all explodes out at once.

I want my kids to know that it’s ok to tell people how you’re feeling. I don’t want them to know the anguish of holding fear and anger and sadness inside. I want them to know that sometimes grownups disagree, that they sometimes yell and cry, that marriage is hard and involves working through a whole lot of stuff.

I want them to see us argue, and I want them to see that at the end of it we can hug, and find common ground, and move forward.

I want them to know that mummy and daddy aren’t perfect.  We have faults, we fall down, we get up and try again.  We get hurt, we hurt each other, we say sorry, we make up.

Do you argue in front of your kids?  Do you think it’s ok, or is it better left behind a closed bedroom door?  

Linking up with Jess at Diary of a SAHM for I Blog on Tuesday.

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8 thoughts on “Do you yell in front of your kids?

  1. Tricky situations sometimes demand a little yelling but keeping it clean and showing you can express your feelings without violence is foremost.
    I admit we have yelled at each other (mostly me yelling) and I feel ashamed every time. We do show forgiveness in front of them too.

  2. i love that you want to teach your kids that its okay to people how they are feeling – and especially in a respectful and honest way. And particularly, that you guys (or anyone for that matter) aren’t perfect – what freedom they will find in that as they continue to grow and move through their life!

  3. Thank-you for posting this!! I think we are taught to feel guilty when we argue, but if you are human it is nearly impossible to have a relationship with anyone without disagreement – especially your husband! So, though I usually wish we didn’t fight in front of the kids – which happens much more rarely now as we have grown in our relationship – I will echo the sentiments of everyone else…show the kids that you can resolve the problem and the relationship is still solid as ever. I usually remind the boys later that they have disagreements with eachother because they’re human and so are their parents!

  4. We very rarely argue in front of the kids, and when we do, it never feels good. I know my eldest gets quite upset by it.
    I think that if you make up in front of the kids though, that is important. They have to realise that we are human, and that relationships can handle a little conflict without falling apart.

  5. I think it is important for Kids to see that yes people fight but they work it out.

    Hubby and are are great at having ‘little disagreements’ we have to be careful as our little boy gets upset abou it. He comes and says mummy sad daddy naughty!! Love it!

  6. I think kids need to see that you can disagree with someone yet still love them. That you can have a heated discussion, and still work things out… and who better to learn that from than their parents.

    I think keeping it civil is important, and while I think yelling doesn’t get you anywhere (goodness knows why I still fall into that trap!) I don’t think a bit of yelling hurts anyone as long as your kids also see you saying sorry for yelling and working on doing better.

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