Letting go of baby

When he sits on my lap his soft body moulds to mine. Perfectly relaxed, he snuggles with no self-consciousness at all; my body might as well be his.

His eyes light up every time he sees me. His giggles burst forth freely and uninhibited. He takes joy in me, and I in him.

I’m savouring these moments with my last baby. All too soon he will grow out of his babyness. He will lose the divine dimples in his hands. His little bow legs will straighten and lengthen with the promise of strength and muscle to come.

Then when he sits on my lap, our reverse polarity will begin to be revealed. The start of his boyish angles will stop him settling so completely into me. Little boys never stop moving entirely. His fidgety body will resist my efforts to snuggle. He will seek me out when he is hurt, or sad, or scared. Then I will greedily gather him in my arms, making the most of the rare abandon.

I’m not ready to let go of his babyhood just yet. He is getting ready to, though, and it’s breaking my mummy-heart.


6 thoughts on “Letting go of baby

  1. I sometimes secretly enjoy when my kids are sick for all the cuddles I get!
    I was lying in bed looking at my baby this morning, and can hardly believe that the time has flown and she has grown so much! Now she is this little walking, talking, huge personality, and I don’t know quite when that happened. It’s rather bittersweet.

    • Bittersweet is right, Jess. I’m looking forward to watching these boys grow into awesome kids, but I’m going to miss babies.

  2. My ‘baby’ is 11, and I still yearn for that melting into me closeness. She no longer even holds my hand. As for her big brother… oh man! I still get a look in when we’re all on the couch together, even if it’s just their feet on my legs. I’ll take whatI can get these days.

    • Oh, don’t tell me that it never goes away :( I’m still trying to kid myself that they’ll always need mumma cuddles.

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